Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The X Factor

I had a dream last night about my best friend from childhood, Amber (I was in her wedding a few years ago but we don’t stay in touch regularly). In the dream, she decided she was going to date my college boyfriend (Mr. Non-Committal).

Side note: I do not talk to Mr. NC and haven’t since about 2002. I’m usually on pretty good terms with my ex’s, but this one was a particularly bad break up, happened hard and fast.

As the dream progressed, she told me that they had been talking and were going to start dating. I was furious. “You don’t date your best friend’s X of two years!” I yelled. “That’s just NOT OK!” I felt enraged, sad, confused and betrayed. As I slowly regained consciousness, I realized that it was, in fact, a dream. She was still happily married, and I was contently ignorant of his whereabouts.

I never even took Psyc 101 in college but I wonder if this has to do with the fact in a few weeks I will be the maid of honor in a friend from college’s wedding who is, indeed going to marry an X. Not Mr. NC, but an X nonetheless. Truth be told, while I’m sure it was very important to me at the time, our 4 month love affair turned out to be merely a sound bite in the “Irish Red” E True Hollywood Story (as yet unmade). I didn’t THINK I had any unexpressed, pent up anger about this. In fact NONE of it was pent up at the time (I expressed it very vocally by yelling and breaking his nose when he told me he had been sleeping with my best friend…one of the two times in my life I have ever been physically violent…don’t judge! I was very into my kickboxing phase).

Perhaps I need to get out my unexpressed anger and take up kickboxing again? Maybe I need to harness the anger and let it go through Yoga? Maybe I’m just sexually frustrated at the moment?? Maybe the continuing sound of the jack hammer is REALLY driving me nuts!* Maybe crazy dreams are contageous! Maybe it was the almonds I had before bed!?

Any shrinks out there want to have a go at my obviously deranged psyche?


*'s now scheduled to continue through NEXT Friday

Song of the day: 'So at last' - Butch Walker

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