Saturday, January 27, 2007

A Narrow Escape

I’ve made no secret about the clusterf*ck of emotions I’ve been experiencing lately. They have made me feel like a PMSing lab rat on a mixture of crystal meth and vicodine running through a mad scientists’ maze-o-romance – bouncing from one emotion to another, having no clue where I’m going, experiencing euphoric highs and lows, running into walls and dead ends trying to solve the biggest relationship puzzle of all: what do I want?

The Canadian is coming into town this weekend. He’ll be here for the week.

Obviously this posed more than one moral, emotional and ethical dillemas: #1. I’ve been pissed off at all things north of the border since this year began, I haven’t seen him in 9 months, and …well…there’s a redheaded temper involved.

#2. The obvious problem of the Russian.

#3. I still care about the Canadian – 3 years is the longest I’ve been with anyone! (even if it HAS been off and on).

And so confused and bewildered, I called the smartest gals I know to chat about the situation.

After explaining the scenario – one vote was unanimous – ‘he can’t stay with you.’Well how do I get around THAT!?‘Just be honest’wha? Huh? Honest? But I’m so worried about hurting him! A concern to which Travel Girl replied: “don’t worry about his feelings. He didn’t worry about yours.” – fair point.

Sigh. They were right. I couldn’t have him stay with me. I don’t know how I feel about him right now and I don’t think a co-habitational scenario would be an optimal setting to explore whatever feelings those turn out to be. And so I took a deep breath and told him – I don’t want you staying with me next week. (Please be advised, he lived here for many years and his best friends live here (many of which I’ve never MET - another sore subject - so I’m not exactly leaving him out in the cold).

He sounded very disappointed but can I tell you, it lifted SUCH a weight off my head. I’ve never said ‘no’ to this man. I’ve always forgiven him, shoved everything under the rug while things were going well…never said ‘I’m sorry but you can’t have everything you want when you want it’. So that was a big deal.

The bigger problem is though is that I have no idea what’s going to happen when I see him. Yes, I’m with the Russian. I love the Russian (ya, I said it, shut up). But there’s a part of me that isn’t quite ready to let the Canadian go. Because he’s been my safety net? Because I’ve been chasing him for SOOOO long? Because I had a plan for my life – and now it’s taken an unexpected turn and I’m not quite ready to veer off that familiar road? What if things go wrong with the Russian and I suddenly find myself stranded along the roadside!?

And then I realized, well, more like nodded along when TravelGirl reminded me: 'being single is better than settling.' And she’s right. So right.

Just when I thought running this vehicle into a lamp post would be less painful than dissecting the components of the complex variables in these relationships, Hey Pretty advised “I think the more important issue is that you don’t define your needs in terms of “option A: The Canadian” or Option B: the Russian. Even if you weren’t happy with the Russian, the situation with the Canadian would still not be good.” And how right she is.

Oh how I love you, my girlfriends.

Being with the Russian doesn’t change the fact that I cried over the phone to Canada for 45 minutes on New Year’s Eve to no avail. Or that the relationship is always defined by the Canadian. Or that it feels as though I’ve been dragging him kicking and screaming through this relationship since 2003.

So, needless to say, that when the Canadian and I DO meet up this next week – we’ll have a lot to say to each other.

In the meantime, I am doing what any gal in a dysfunctional relationship with a passive aggressive law student that is flying into Regan airport at 6 p.m. that she hasn’t seen in 9 months and has fallen for someone else would do….I’m leaving the scene of the crime at 5:55 p.m. and flying out to see the man I hope to have a HEALTHY relationship with for the weekend.
Perhaps I am delaying the inevitable. Perhaps that's the point.

Either way, my bags are packed with silky, lacy treats from Vicki’s and I go to the airport in just a few short hours.
I’m looking forward to the weekend escape because that’s just what it will be. I just hope there's a cure for cancer at the end of this maze to make it all worth while!


The Forest Of Self-Righteousness

Now you’ve gone and done it. You’ve pissed off a redhead and more importantly, you've hurt her friends. And so the claws begin to come out...THIS should be fun (although there are more fun treats to come, my dear, just you wait. The fun thing about karma is that's SUCH a bitch :) )

Ya know, after wading through the murkey waters of high school in a highly controlled, uniformed, religious environment (hell we even dressed alike!) I learned a great deal about people. I learned about the importance of differentiating yourself to maintain one’s sanity - be it by sewing star shaped buttons on your kilt, wearing lots of bracelets or rings, etc. – little ways of expressing your individuality lest you loose your identity and swim upstream with the rest of the salmon.

I learned the importance of questioning. Of asking “why” rather that regurgitating information. Why does this biblical passage mean this? Group: Ummm…because the Pope SAID so? Scarlett: Ummm…a GOOD reason please?

So group think, while slightly tragic doesn’t really shock or disorrient me.

Not that judgment doesn’t have its time and place. Hell – if it weren’t for judgment Hey Pretty and I would have nothing better to do at social functions! What DOES piss me off is moral superiority. The belief that you, my dear in your string of fake pearls, Ann Taylor twin set and girl scout merit badges framed on your wall are not only PERFECT but you feel the benevolent urge to bestow your unsolicited and, of course, infallible advice to all those you happen to come in contact with. Lucky us.

This is obviously annoying when applied to strangers but the thought is damn near ridiculous when applied to friendships.
Friendships – you remember those don’t you? Those relationships that are supposed to be based on mutual respect and understanding? Those special people in your life that you choose to share experiences with? Life milestones with? Secrets, laughter and retail therapy with no strings or, you guessed it, judgment attached?

So what do you do when the people who are supposed to support you don’t approve of your decisions? Who profess to be your friends but the minute you step away from the ‘group think’ mentality turn on you and make it their personal mission to make your life a living hell?

Should you find yourself in such an unfortunate situation, dear reader, the way I see it, you have one of three options:

Option #1. Attempt to apologize. Smooth things over. Say you’re sorry. You wouldn’t want to ruffle too many feathers. After all – you’re “friends” are only thinking about what’s best for you, right?

* Option #2:Smile. Put up with their obviously misinformed and self-diluted advice. Nod when they say that you’re completely and totally wrong. Agree when they say that you suck. Anything is better than loosing your “friends” after all.

Option #3: Give the only possible response to such terrible behavior. F*CK YOU! A real friend wouldn’t bat an eye while they listen, offer the best advice possible, continue to support you in whatever you do and be there to pick up the pieces without saying ‘I told you so’ should it turn out that you were right.

Remember...Judgy-Wudgy was a bear…

And to the wildlife in the jungle of self-righteousness, I say …. We know we can’t all be as perfect and as morally uncompromising as you are – we must strive to find our own way, our own happiness. And you must strive to find other lemmings who WILL live the lives YOU want them to lead and eventually follow you off a cliff.

And just remember, darling...inner beauty WON'T get you laid!


*Bonus points if you know which DC blogger's salute this is!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

31 and Starving!

This study is disturbing for a number of reasons. #1. According to this, I have 5 years of my life yet to live before I can actually start eating! #2. I don't know about ya'll....but I can think of a LOT better ways of spending 31 years of one's life. And lastly, #3. Why can't we all just try to eat healthier (she said as she throws yesterdays Taco Bell receipt in the trash) with the overall goal of being HEALTHY rather than skinny??

Anyway, apparently it's an interesting Newsweek, people. Read on.

Average Woman Spends 31 Years on a Diet, Researchers Say

For many women struggling to keep slim, dieting can seem to last a lifetime.
Or to be more precise, 31 years.

For researchers have found that is how long the average woman spends on a diet over the course of her life.

According to a new report, British women spend an average of six months a year counting the calories and more than a fifth are on a permanent diet throughout their lifetime in a seemingly never-ending quest for the perfect figure.

But they aren't the only ones waging a constant fight against the flab.
The average adult male spends 28 years slimming, the poll has revealed.

It found that over a tenth of the UK population is currently dieting in a bid to shed the pounds after feasting on festive treats over the Christmas period.

But despite best intentions, three quarters of those who began their New Year with the firm resolution to lose weight will give up by the end of the week.

The average diet lasts 5.5 weeks, with the post-Christmas fast being even shorter at just three weeks.
Half of slimmers throw in the towel due to lack of willpower, while a quarter of respondents said that they give up because their strict diet regime leaves them moody or depressed.

The most determined of dieters are aged between 45 and 64, with almost a quarter spending up to a year slimming.

In comparison, those aged between 18 and 24 are more likely to be yo-yo dieters, with a fifth giving up within a month.

The survey of 1,446 of men and women revealed that nearly two thirds of the UK population are unhappy with their body and feel that being thinner would make them happier.

For women, looks are more important, with over half reporting that they diet to wear fashionable clothes and a third of those surveyed said they watched their weight in a bid to feel more attractive.

But in comparison, men are more focused on their long-term well-being, with over a third saying they wanted to lose weight to be more healthy.

Almost a quarter of the UK population has been on a weight loss diet at one time, with half shedding up to a stone.

But despite the recent catwalk trend for size zero models, most adult British women don't aspire to be super skinny.

Most crave a hour-glass shape, with Marilyn Monroe's curves and the voluptuous figure of singer Charlotte Church being among the most desired body shapes.

British men, meanwhile, are more interested in a sporting physique, with 40 per cent citing footballer David Beckham's body as their ideal, just ahead of film star Brad Pitt.

The report has been welcomed by experts.

Leading dietician Sian Porter said: "Thirty one years is a lot of time dieting when you tot it up, but it shows that people are realising that they must live a more healthy lifestyle.

"It is encouraging that women are being realistic.

"They are not aspiring to be a size zero, but they are looking up to someone more curvy like Kelly Brook or Nigella Lawson.

"But what we need to do is not dieting, but more healthy eating."

Whilst the majority of those surveyed diet sensibly by eating smaller portions, almost a quarter of respondents said they would consider taking diet pills or only eating salad, and almost one in ten have considered a liquid diet or surgery.

For those watching their waistline, chocolate is the most craved sin, followed by cheese, according to the Ipsos Mori report commissioned by Laughing Cow Extra Light Diet.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Believe it or Not....

I just HAD to share this! No comments just ....EEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! I may never go swimming again!

Japanese Marine Park Captures Rare Shark on Film
Tue Jan 23, 2007 11:22 PM ET

TOKYO (Reuters) - A species of shark rarely seen alive because its natural habitat is 600 meters (2,000 ft) or more under the sea was captured on film by staff at a Japanese marine park this week.
The Awashima Marine Park in Shizuoka, south of Tokyo, was alerted by a fisherman at a nearby port on Sunday that he had spotted an odd-looking eel-like creature with a mouthful of needle-sharp teeth.

Marine park staff caught the 1.6 meter (5 ft) long creature, which they identified as a female frilled shark, sometimes referred to as a "living fossil" because it is a primitive species that has changed little since prehistoric times.

The shark appeared to be in poor condition when park staff moved it to a seawater pool where they filmed it swimming and opening its jaws.

"We believe moving pictures of a live specimen are extremely rare," said an official at the park. "They live between 600 and 1,000 meters under the water, which is deeper than humans can go."

"We think it may have come close to the surface because it was sick, or else it was weakened because it was in shallow waters," the official said.

The shark died a few hours after being caught.

Frilled sharks, which feed on other sharks and sea creatures, are sometimes caught in the nets of trawlers but are rarely seen alive.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

And the Nominees Are ....

As I’m sure you’ve heard, the Oscar nominations are here. Yes. Award ceremony season is upon us, my friends. Time to dust off your tiaras, roll out the red carpets and put the finishing touches on those acceptance speeches!

While not pretending to be as discerning a connoisseur of cinema as some of my blogging cohorts, here are my personal pics (and comments) regarding this year’s 79th annual Oscar nominations as announced today, January 23 in Beverly Hills, CA by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences:
Best Picture: Babel This movie will not be part of the Scarlett movie library. I would never watch this movie again. However, it was utterly original, artistic and powerful.
Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond; (don’t make me laugh! Did you HEAR butchering of the South African accent!?) My vote goes to Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland.
Actress: Penelope Cruz, Volver: I actually heard from my brother that in her native language, Ms. Cruz is surprisingly talented. However, my vote goes to Helen Mirren, The Queen
Supporting Actor: Mark Wahlberg!? Are you kidding me!? What 12 year old did they put on the academy that nominated “Marky” Mark Whalberg!? I’m going to go with Eddie Murphy on this one for Dreamgirls
Supporting Actress: Adriana Barraza, Babel; No contest. Hands down. Did you know that while shooting the scene in the desert that kept cutting to her feet that she was the one holding the camera? She wouldn’t come out of the sun and barely drank any water during the shooting of this scene because she wanted it to be real. Utterly amazing.
Directing: I’m tempted to nominate Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu for Babel once again. However, the direction and realism of United 93 and its complete uniqueness as a film not to mention the subject matter…I’m going with Paul Greengrass
Foreign Language Film: After the Wedding (Denmark). This is a very intense and heart breaking film that explores human nature and it give you a lot to cry and think about, but the ending is hopeful and beautiful and you leave the movie feeling good and knowing you’ve just seen something brilliant.
Original Score: The Queen, as a musician and orchestration student, let me just say that Alexandre Desplat is a genius.
Original Song: Our Town from Cars. Sorry, Beyonce…gotta give it up for James Taylor.
Costume: Marie Antoinette – the only really good part of this movie
Documentary Feature*: Jesus Camp – disturbing, scary movie about a boot camp for the young soldiers of Christ. Be afraid, be very afraid.
The rest, I don’t have opinion on but that's ok since they’re awarded during cocktail hour anyway. The full list of nominees can be found at:,,SB116916343993480854,00.html?mod=djemMM

*OH – can I also throw in that I threw up a little to hear that An Inconvenient Truth was even NOMINATED, even showed up on the RADAR? I think I threw up a little when I saw that listing. Apparently being a self-diluted former VP entitles you to an Oscar. Who knew

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

'Shot' Through the Heart

So sorry for the silence this week! Half of my problem has been knowing where to start as there are just so many things going on! How do I choose what to write about?
Current topics on To-Write List:
  1. Judgemental 'Friends' - Yes, twin, its coming!
  2. My first trip to the porn store
  3. How to survive in a healthy relationship when you don’t speak the language
  4. Adventures in Breakups
  5. How not to poke a rabid dog (because really, you don't know where it's been)
  6. My Love affiar with...the Cherry Chocolate Phone
Well, let me start here dear reader with some quick notes:

After a tearful goodbye, the Russian returned to New Mexico yesterday afternoon. Yes, I said tearful and it wasn't just me. I must admit, there's something mighty surreal about a 30 year old, hockey playin', 6'7, former frat boy wiping a tear from the corner of his eye because he's going to miss you.

But fear not, he did not leave before being introduced subjected to the best of the best of the DC blogging scene. The impromptu happy hour took place on Friday where redheaded sluts and good times not to mention dirty girl scouts, were had by all. In attendance were Dupont and her man, Jersey, the fabulously sarcastic Hey Pretty, the Corona drinkin' Tex and Travel Girl with her entourage in tow along with many many others who maintain their fabulousness despite their non-blogger status (St. Pauly Girl & her boyfriend, XO, Philly and a colleague of his).

We breathed in and yes, we did inhale, the drama-free atmosphere as old friends caught up, new acquaintances were made and faces were put to posts. It was a lovely evening and one we have all agreed that we must encore in the near future. The Russian came through with flying colors and the enthusiastic approval of everyone INCLUDING the very discerning and selective HP!

I was described Friday as being not-myself, being instead becoming “uber-Scarlett”, “Scarlett-on-steroids”, “Scarlett to the nth Degree” and “Sparkle Scarlett”. This led me to think, hmmm… if I'm all of a sudden 'so happy' and everyone is commenting on it, was I lacking in the cheerfulness department before?

I mean, yes, I'm a cynical smart ass. But a cheerful cynical smart ass! Have I become, dare I say, surly? Churlish,even? (How’s that for the 50 cent word of the day?) But my fears were alleviated after talking to Dupont who, in her little Yoda-like way said: "You weren't un-happy. You seemed very 'content' with your life. Very content being single and very comfortable with yourself. NOW, you seem happy"

Sigh. Happy.

Yes, I suppose I am. But its happiness tempered with, I must admit, a certain amount of uneasiness. This is not a conventional courtship by any means nor does the term ‘whirlwind romance’ even attempt do it justice. I suppose these murky relationship waters have taken on a pallor similar to that of the Potomac in no small part due to his impending, more than messy divorce or my own ongoing romantic saga with a tall man north of the border who said to me last night ‘I don’t know whether to cry, drink or throw myself off my balcony” at the mere suggestion that we TAKE A BREAK. I’m afraid the Canadian extraction will turn out to be a more painful and complicated endeavor than originally imagined.

But more thoughts on that later. Frankly, I’m in life drama overload and I’m sick of it already.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Extra Small??

Does size matter?

Ahhh...the age old question that has plagued man-kind since women first left their caves in search of "greener" pastures and greater sexual satisfaction. Well, in some cases, apparently size does, in fact, matter. (Shocker). And so I say to these men - embrace your um...petiteness. Stand up tall and say "YES! I need the Extra Small Profilactics, please!"

Just steer clear of redheads ...cuz if you ever managed to get one into bed...she'd probably laugh at you.

Speak up, sir...You need the extra small condoms?

Fri Dec 8, 2006 8:22 AM ET
NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Condoms designed to meet international size specifications are too big for many Indian men as their penises fall short of what manufacturers had anticipated, an Indian study has found.
The Indian Council of Medical Research, a leading state-run center, said its initial findings from a two-year study showed 60 percent of men in the financial capital Mumbai had penises about 2.4 cm (one inch) shorter than those condoms catered for.

For a further 30 percent, the difference was at least 5 cm (two inches). A poor fit meant the prophylactics often didn't do the job they were bought for, and led to some tearing or slipping off during use.

"One of the reasons for a failure of up to 20 percent (of condoms) is the association of the size of the condom to the erect penis," the council's Dr. Chander Puri told Reuters, adding another reason was couples often put them on in a hurry.

Puri said many men in India, which has the world's highest HIV positive caseload, were too shy to ask for condoms.

"We need more vending machines for condoms of different sizes so people can pick a condom with confidence that is suited to their needs," he said.

The Times of India reported the ICMR survey had studied 1,400 men between 18-50 years of age in cities like Mumbai and New Delhi as well as in rural areas in a report. It entitled its story "Indian men don't measure up."

Thursday, January 11, 2007

It's Rainin' Men = Emotional Clusterf*ck

The old saying “When it rains, it pours” has always rang true for me throughout my romantic endeavors. All I have ever needed to get a date, should I desire it, is another date and boom! It’s like someone sent out a f*cking press release to ever man I’ve ever met or will happen across in the recent future

– NEWS RELEASE – Scarlett is on a date! This is the PERFECT time to renew your acquaintance, speak to her on the metro, hit on her while she’s out or declare your undying love and affection if you haven’t already!

I’m not saying it’s more men than I can HANDLE mind you, just more than is typical of the Scarlett circle-o-romance.

I have decided against the FB relationship (on the sage advice of the blog-o-sphere). However, while he’s out of the running he refuses to get out of my inbox (tres annoying). The Canadian has been unusually amorous of late and for reasons already enumerated and yet to be addressed down in this post, dear reader, these attentions for which I’ve prayed are not entirely welcome at the present time. Nevertheless, he is planning a week down here at the end of the month. Whether it comes to fruition or not is anyone’s guess.

This past week I have also been asked out on the metro, asked out by a bartender and a bouncer in the same night….in the same bar (THAT was fun!), an ex called from out of the blue and most significantly…..I fell in love lust this week.

We shall call him The Russian. I’ve actually known him for years (eight to be exact). We went to college together, he was in my brother fraternity, a year or two ahead of me. We’ve always been friendly, enjoyed mutual friends, he dated one of my sorority sisters and while we were never exceedingly close by any means but found ourselves in many social situations in college (mostly social as he was a Physics major and so our academic paths never really crossed), but always enjoyed each other’s company. I always thought he was extremely attractive (textbook Scarlett type: tall, dark, smart, outgoing and handsome) but he was rarely single and so nothing but harmless flirtation ever took place. However, I do recall an incident involving a keg stand, jell-o shots and a mid-term paper (I’m a bit fuzzy on the details) in which we became a little friendly but it was really nothing to speak of.

So imagine my surprise and delight when a ‘New Friend Request’ (oh you know it – you know it well) popped up on my Myspace inbox sometime last year! After a few email exchanges I was delighted to learn that he was living out west, doing well, recently finished a stint in the air force and was happily married (ok so I wasn’t so delighted about that last tidbit of info but whatcha gonna do?).

But as luck would have it I received yet another email a few weeks ago letting me know that he was coming to DC for work this week and that he wanted to get together.

Well, kids, to make a long story brief and PG-13 friendly he got here on Friday and I met him for drinks with friends, more drinks with different friends Saturday (where I learned he was on the front end of a divorce…so sad), Sunday was Chinese food and a movie at my place, (all strictly platonic outings btw) Monday night was the BCS game at the page followed by a marathon of conversation until 4 a.m. when he kissed me or..maybe I kissed him – anyway there was kissing….and we stayed up the rest of the night…not…talking. Tuesday was divine exhaustion, an amazing dinner of Moroccan food while doing a lot of smiling, hand-holding and goofy looks (yes – we were THAT couple. I’ve NEVER been that couple and quite frankly, I HATE that couple). Tonight it will be oysters at Old Ebbit.
Yes, friends. Your dear Scarlett is in love lust, exhausted from averaging around 4 hours of sleep a night, grinning like she’s 16 and dating the captain of the football team, and has enough butterflies in her stomach to do…whatever it is that butterflies …do.

No, we’re not ‘together’ as he lives far far away and will be spending the next 6 months even farther away….in Vienna (where I will be going this spring at his invitation) not to mention that, well, technically and legally speaking he still has a WIFE. However, we’re just going to see what happens and until then – it will be, at the risk of sounding trite: The Best Week Ever!

As for the Canadian – I have no idea. And yes, it was very emotionally confusing to hear from him today as I was receiving ‘I miss you’ txts from the Russian. I’m trying to keep them as separate entities but if nothing else comes of this emotional clusterf*ck, I have realized a few things about the Canadian. Things that I want – that I don’t think he is either capable of or willing to give me. I thought these were things I could compromise on, things that were superfluous, things I was being too demanding to ask for.

But now, I realize that is not the case and that I need, want, and deserve verbal emotional confirmation – it need not be excessive, but It needs to be there. I need, want and deserve little public displays of affection – a hand held, a kiss hello, an arm around me. I need, want and deserve to be appreciated and told ‘please don’t ever change.’ ‘Tell me more about YOU – I’d like to get to know you as much as I can.’ ‘I thought about you all day’. Etc.

And where is the cynical Scarlett you know and love? Oh she’s alive an kickin, not to worry I’m not eloping this weekend, no Elivs Chapels 'O Love in my future…my eyes are wide open.

But I’ve let go. And frankly, I intend to enjoy the ride.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

I've Got A Secret

Well kids, first of all thank you for your unequivocal support, concern, cautionary advice and interest in the FB situation. It is currently on hold and I will, of course be letting you know how it turns out.

In other news, the Canadian was done ‘thinking’ and about to make the ‘grand gesture’ of driving down here in an effort to spend time with me and attempt to save our relationship. I appreciated this. However, I had people in from out of town, and I’m sorry but cannot just drop everything the minute he decides he wants a relationship. So he is going to try to come down later this month.

In the meantime, my favorite UK redhead has tagged me to share 5 secrets. I must confess while writing this I found it hard to come up with 5 as I try to keep no secrets from you, dear readers that you might find to be interesting.

Secret #1: I haven’t slept in going on 28 hours….the reason being the subject of a post I will get to this afternoon. Let’s just say…when it rains, it pours.

Secret #2: I understand the concepts of cooking and cleaning – just not as they apply to me J

Secret #3: I used to be in a professional dance company (ballet, tap and jazz if you want to get more specific).

Secret #4: I was a late bloomer. I was painfully shy until the age of 15. I had my first kiss at 16.

Secret #5: I am scared to death of having children. Children don’t scare me – the whole pregnancy thing does.

The bloating, mood swings, stretch marks, contractions….OH MY! I just don’t know if I could ever do it.

So now I tag Hey Pretty, Travel Girl and my Blog Twin!

Saturday, January 6, 2007

I Blame It On the Drugs

Yesterday, I went the Dr. He listened, looked, poked, prodded, and said:
‘Good news, Scarlett. It’s all in your head"

I immediately freak out as I hear my trusted physician label me a hypochondriac!!
‘It’s not all in my head! I feel terrible! There's no way I'm imagining this!’

'No, Scarlett – it’s a sinus and throat infection. It’s in your head.– I don’t hear anything in your lungs.’


I blame the drugs.

But that’s not the point. The point is that I actually WENT to the Dr. I took time off work and WENT to the Dr. I never do this people. I work sick, I’ve done it before – I always feel guilty for taking time off. But I decided that I was only able to put in 50% while feeling like this, and the longer I didn’t give myself time to rest, the longer it would take to feel better. So I bought myself a one-way ticket on the Get Well Express. Which is all part of the recently dubbed 2007 – the year ‘o Scarlett.

Phase 1: of the YOS: Body. This includes the following: See Dr.s when sick (check), take all medications as directed (I have a problem remembering to take daily medications, vitamins, etc.). Become healthier – cut down on the processed foods, work with a personal trainer – please note, this is not an “I will loose 50 pounds in the new year” type resolution this is a I really need to be healthier type resolve. If I happen to drop a pound or two, so be it!

Phase 2: Mind: Don’t let my right-brained genius force me to miss deadlines. Taking my work to a new level. Continue with my feminist book club.

Phase 3: Spirit: Concentrate on friendships. Appreciate them more and really make time for my friends. Make the extra effort to make my friendships healthier and more meaningful. Follow through with plans instead of opting to stay in no matter how broke I am. Do 7 things in 2007 that I can only do in DC (and drunken evenings at the Front Page don’t count).

And somewhere in there are doing laundry on a more regular basis, taking better care of my things, and stop dating emotionally withholding men. And most importantly – we (as in me and all the voices in my head) are banishing negative thinking, anything that detracts from the awesomeness of Scarlett’s life (cue Missy’s No More Drama) all the unnecessary BS is just that and I will avoid it at all costs.

Funny. I don’t even usually MAKE NY resolutions and here it looks as though I’ve decided on a complete lifestyle overhaul in 2007. Not really an overhaul just taking the life to the next level – adulthood – who knew.

Like I said, I blame it on the drugs.

Thursday, January 4, 2007

2006: Pretty Good Year

January: The year began alone in my room, awakened by friends reveling in the new year. Never one for amature night, i.e. NYE and attempting to avoid the man I was seeing at the time I thought an evening rearranging my room and cleaning was preferable to a bunch of random people who could not hold their liquor.

The Prologue to TSL is born.

February: found me back with the Canadian but alone for Valentines Day. The month ended with a
tearful goodbye to old friends.

March: In like a lamb, out like …well….I got beat up by roommate on St. Patty's Day. Yes, friends. I looked like a battered housewife in a Dolly Parton video.

April: Got a new job that I love. Yea for me!

May: The Canadian visited. Life was good. I was happy.

June: Turned 26 – the EXTREME Birthday. Went hang gliding, flew a helicopter and drover a Lamborghini!

July: Through circumstances enumerated in the TSL archives, met
Travel Girl and life would never be the same!

August: I discover my
over zealous sex drive is actually genetic!

We mourn the loss of wildlife's loudest advocates, so sad. Michigan Beats Notre Dame – life is good. I pick myself up and brush myself off yet again.

October: The beginning of
a beautiful friendship. And bid farewell to a Mecca of song and independent thought.

NaNoWrMo kicks off. Korean skirts are liberated and I battle the infamous Sue Ellen over Thanksgiving.

The Scarlett Letters is up and Runnin! Got my first Christmas Tree, was stalked by an Elf .

Frankly, it’s been quite the year, 2006. More good than bad overall.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007


Dear Readers,

Thank you for all your support. The jury is still out, i.e. still ‘thinking’ and I’ll give him all the time he needs to ‘think’ but as of right now, I’m operating on the assumption that its over because, well, I said so.
 To clarify a few points: #1. Yes, I do blog about dating and on occasion hooking up with other guys. We have a technically open relationship and while I do occasionally hook up with men who are in closer proximity to myself, I tend to try to avoid relationships and emotional attachments as that could get complicated but the physical stuff is just that. This fits in very well with my fear of all things committed (from relationships to psyc ward patients) I get the distance I need with the occasional romantic trysts to keep me occupied.
Point #2: Hehe – don’t worry, Velvet! We were talking about a move in a year or two but obviously that’s not the case now. However, if I turn out to be 30 and single in a few years…I’m moving to the UK. I was a kid in London and have, of course, gone back many many times since. However, I’ve always wanted to go back to live – 30 seems as good a time as any :)

In other news, there isn’t much because I’m sick. It seems as though disease is circulating among the blogging community and has already targeted a few of my blogworld acquaintences. I’m coughing like a 80 year old chain smoker with a voice to match and my eyes and nose match the color of my hair.

Here's to hoping we all feel better soon! (Irish; Velvet especially!)

Would someone please pass the Kleenex?

Monday, January 1, 2007

Out with the Old Never Hurt So Much

Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

Happy New Year. She said with a noteable lack of enthusiasm.

I had hoped to begin the year’s postings as many of you have – composing a manifesto detailing the best of intentions for the forthcoming year, a chronicle of the passing year and recounting tales of debauchery in the wee hours of the morning before.

Sadly, I’m afraid nothing of the sort awaits you in this post, dear reader.

My New Year began with tears rolling down my face as I ran out of a party and proceeded to end a 3 year relationship. Yes, last night I officially broke up with the Canadian.

12:00 a.m.: I rang in the new year with a glass of champaign and a kiss from VT.

12:03 a.m.: I excused myself from the room of swooning couples and went outside to call my ‘boyfriend’.

12:04 a.m.: On the phone with the Canadian feeling like I have to anally extract an ‘I miss you’ and an ‘I love you’ on what is proported to be one of the most romantic nights of the year.

12:05 a.m.: Off the phone. Start to go back inside. Stop. Realize bull shit of the situation. On an evening second only to Valentine’s Day on the meter-o-romance, I’m on the phone with the man I’m supposed to be planning to move away from DC to be with, I man I love, a man I thought I had a future with …and he can’t even muster an ‘I miss you, honey. I wish we were together this evening. I love you’.

12:06 a.m.: Get mad. Turn around. Go back outside. Press redial. Obviously upset. ‘We need to talk’ ‘oh I’ve got Tom on the other line, can I call you back?’

12:07 a.m.: Really loose my shit. The woman you supposedly love and haven’t seen in 9 months is upset and Tom is more important!? You get off the f*cking phone with your buddy and f*cking talk to her! Start to cry – try to keep it together, it’s a lost cause. Excuse myself from the party. Leave crying with VT.

12:30 a.m.: Get home. Out of my fabulous dress, and georgous but uncomfortable shoes. Call the emotionally vapid man. Tell him – I don’t think I’m being needy I’m just being me and this is what I need. I know you’re not a verbally emotionally expressive but we’re thousands of miles away and if you can’t kiss me at midnight, you need to let me KNOW you want to. And that you miss me. And that we’ll be together soon. AND I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO ASK FOR IT!!

1:30 a.m.: Conversation ends with ‘If I’m not the one, please just let me go’. ‘I’ve got some thinking to do.’

1:35 a.m.: I put myself in a NyQuill coma and go to bed.

10:00 a.m.: Wake up groggy and emotionally drained, sporting swollen, puffy eyes.

So 2007 is off to a rocky start. Canada is ‘thinking’. I’m crying. And life goes on.

I guess the best approach to this year that I can see so far is to take one day at a time and do the best I can with it.

Happy New year, she said, frankly.