Monday, January 1, 2007

Out with the Old Never Hurt So Much

Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

Happy New Year. She said with a noteable lack of enthusiasm.

I had hoped to begin the year’s postings as many of you have – composing a manifesto detailing the best of intentions for the forthcoming year, a chronicle of the passing year and recounting tales of debauchery in the wee hours of the morning before.

Sadly, I’m afraid nothing of the sort awaits you in this post, dear reader.

My New Year began with tears rolling down my face as I ran out of a party and proceeded to end a 3 year relationship. Yes, last night I officially broke up with the Canadian.

12:00 a.m.: I rang in the new year with a glass of champaign and a kiss from VT.

12:03 a.m.: I excused myself from the room of swooning couples and went outside to call my ‘boyfriend’.

12:04 a.m.: On the phone with the Canadian feeling like I have to anally extract an ‘I miss you’ and an ‘I love you’ on what is proported to be one of the most romantic nights of the year.

12:05 a.m.: Off the phone. Start to go back inside. Stop. Realize bull shit of the situation. On an evening second only to Valentine’s Day on the meter-o-romance, I’m on the phone with the man I’m supposed to be planning to move away from DC to be with, I man I love, a man I thought I had a future with …and he can’t even muster an ‘I miss you, honey. I wish we were together this evening. I love you’.

12:06 a.m.: Get mad. Turn around. Go back outside. Press redial. Obviously upset. ‘We need to talk’ ‘oh I’ve got Tom on the other line, can I call you back?’

12:07 a.m.: Really loose my shit. The woman you supposedly love and haven’t seen in 9 months is upset and Tom is more important!? You get off the f*cking phone with your buddy and f*cking talk to her! Start to cry – try to keep it together, it’s a lost cause. Excuse myself from the party. Leave crying with VT.

12:30 a.m.: Get home. Out of my fabulous dress, and georgous but uncomfortable shoes. Call the emotionally vapid man. Tell him – I don’t think I’m being needy I’m just being me and this is what I need. I know you’re not a verbally emotionally expressive but we’re thousands of miles away and if you can’t kiss me at midnight, you need to let me KNOW you want to. And that you miss me. And that we’ll be together soon. AND I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO ASK FOR IT!!

1:30 a.m.: Conversation ends with ‘If I’m not the one, please just let me go’. ‘I’ve got some thinking to do.’

1:35 a.m.: I put myself in a NyQuill coma and go to bed.

10:00 a.m.: Wake up groggy and emotionally drained, sporting swollen, puffy eyes.

So 2007 is off to a rocky start. Canada is ‘thinking’. I’m crying. And life goes on.

I guess the best approach to this year that I can see so far is to take one day at a time and do the best I can with it.

Happy New year, she said, frankly.

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