Friday, October 6, 2006

Law & Order

There is a jack hammer tearing up the parking garage in my office building.

It has been going on for four days.

It is so loud that my desk is shaking.

It sounds like a broken vibrator that needs to be put out of its misery.

It’s so loud I cannot make necessary phone calls because I CAN”T HEAR THE PERSON ON THE OTHER LINE. Hell! I can barely hear my secretary buzz me on my intercom! Its noon and I’ve already popped 6 Excedrin migraines.

I’m loosing my mind.

I can’t take it.


I can see the Law & Order, ripped-from-the-headlines’-episode now: (cue wavy dream sequence) Title: “Jack Hammer”. The premise: a sweet, smart, amazingly hot redhead played by Lindsey Lohan (hey! My L&O episode, my fantasy!) After much emotional and professional stress, she is pushed over the edge by the sound of a jackhammer pounding away, non stop in her office building for FOUR days.

One day her VP asks her to scrap a presentation she’s been working on for a week and a half because she’s decided to go in a different direction and…she just snaps…goes nuts… kills her VP and anyone else that has managed to piss her off in the last week or so (don’t worry – I’m really not this violent but this is L&O, and I wouldn’t be put on trial for just yelling at people or breaking down in tears now would I?).

Picture it, the courtroom scene, my lawyer cross-examining me, bringing in shrinks with theories, telling the jury that it wasn’t me but the sound of that jackhammer 6 hours a day, non stop, for 4 days straight that drove me to it. The jury comes back with a “not guilty on all counts” verdict and A.D.A Jack McCoy charges the construction company with…criminally loud…migraine inducing….maintenance work and orders the company to pay me $1.3 million dollars for mental and physical anguish. I rush into the arms of my boyfriend (played by Russell Crowe….again MY fantasy). And we live happily ever after! THE END

Ok, so I have a vivid imagination (and perhaps watch a little too much L&O)…BUT I’M LOOSING MY MIIIIINNNNDDDDDDDD!

Speaking of L&O, be sure to watch tonight because my friend, Will is in it!! (not sure what his role is, but he’ll be the QT, bald, African American with the killer smile!)


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