Saturday, September 2, 2006

I'm never drinking again...until tomorrow*

Well, yesterday was the company retreat. We were supposed to spend the day golfing, but Ernesto seemed to have other plans for us. So the start of the day with a 9:00 a.m. tee time out in McLean turned out to be a 9:30 a.m. reservation at the Silver Diner complete with blueberry pancakes, maples syrup, coffee and Bloody Mary’s. YUM!

After immerging from our food comas we decided to do the next best thing to golf – bowling! So we went to Fort Meyers for a little beer and bowling. MMMM…an afternoon of my 2 favorite things…hot men in uniform and cheap beer.

So after many, many Miller Lites and light flirtation with big, strong, military-type boys in the adjacent lanes, we left to drive back into DC where co-workers decided that we should continue the merriment and grab some food at…you guessed it! The Front Page.

Well, as you can imagine, the wind and rain (and the fact that happy hour didn’t start for a couple of hours) kept most of the cheap beer drinking, wings eating, TGIF celebrating folks away.

Fast forward to 7 p.m….I went out to Hawk & Dove for a friend’s birthday party. This is actually the same group of friends that I was with last Friday so we’re talking very Republican, Catholic, nice, smart guys but…well…you know

And the drinking continued, but by the pitcher-full this time. Because the bar was hardly crowded, all of the people in the back bar with us were part of the group. And so I was walking around, and along the way said hello to a tall, not handsome but nice looking boy. Turns out he knew my friend through a Theology Happy Hour. Did you know these existed? (Because I thought they were an urban-catholic-school myth). Apparently you go to a happy hour and hear a lecture about theology. Who does this?? I mean I enjoy a good sacramental wine as much as the next person…but really.

Anyway, being the social butterfly that I am, I soon ended the conversation and moved onto a taller, more handsome lawyer across the room J At this point I was mighty tipsy (keep in mind that I had been drinking since 10 a.m.), kissing cheeks with red lipstick, etc. (which was a big hit).

Somehow (the details are kinda fuzzy), I found myself talking to Mr. Theology again and at one point he started touching me a bit on my arm then a hand on my back, etc. I went along with it. Not because I was particularly attracted to him, but because …I was bored? …because I had been drinking for 13 hours!? Who the hell knows?

While getting my bar tab he asked if I wanted a ride home. And I thought, why not? It’s raining cats & dogs, who knows if I’ll be able to find a taxi, besides, I just used the last of my cash to buy the birthday boy some shots! So we say goodbye and I jump into his car.

I was fine with the light physical contact in the bar, but in the solitude of a front seat, things weren’t quite as kosher. But I’ve been handling these kinds of situations since I was 15 so I thought: “I’ll be fine – besides, he goes to Bible-thumping* happy hours and he’s probably still a virgin! How bad could it get?” (famous last words).

Well…it certainly got….interesting. He started petting my face (not in a look each other’s eyes adoringly, caressing the face kind of way, but …he was driving! One hand on the wheel and one hand petting…actually petting my face.).

We finally got back to my building and he asked if he could walk me up. Now, I must say that I have a few rules when dating and they include: no kissing on the first date and definitely no one sees the inside of my apartment for the first few dates (not because my place is insanely messy necessarily, but because being inside leads to couch sitting, which leads to couch laying which leads to ….)

ANYHOO he walks me to my door, I say ‘thank you’ and goodnight. And yes, I broke the kissing rule, but come on…it was just a kiss…and we weren't exactly on a date. well, he got back on the petting thing, and morphed it into LICKING. Yes, people, he actually LICKED my face. On what planet is this OK? In what culture is this socially acceptable?? So I’m attempting to cope with the gross-out factor, physically PUSH him off of me and we initiated the hook up push/pull:

Mr. Theology: Let’s go sit down
Red: No, I’m pretty tired
Mr. Theology: But it’s early
Red: I don't want to move too fast
Mr. Theology: We're not going too fast
Red: My roommate’s in there…blah blah.

Good lord, people! You would think that Mr. Theology, a guy who attends Catholics anonymous at bars wouldn’t be so quick to um…infringe on a girl's purity…or LICK her face. Am I wrong? Or are all guys looking to hook up regardless of professions of piety?

So I woke up this morning and decided that I’m never drinking again…apparently it leads to getting mauled by drunk theology students. Maybe I need to lay off the church-going kids for awhile.

*Sigh* gotta go – my roommate is pouring me a drink…

* can't take credit for this title - i awoke to this txt message from my favorite irish boy in Detroit
** don't get me wrong, religion is a beautiful thing and I will no doubt be going to confession tomorrow morning...or afternoon depending on what time i get up

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