Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Dear Mr. Reader:

Ok, maybe I’m new to the whole blogger popularity thing and perhaps ‘hate mail’ is a common occurrence (perhaps some of you veterans comment on this?)

I recently received the following email and it starts off nice…

Hey, just stumbled across your blog. You seem like a smart, classy girl and you also like college football, which is awesome. It’s interesting to read.

Thank you so much! (smile…blush)….reading on….

Oh but wait, then I saw your tribute to Sex and the City. Sure, lots of girls like that show, but if you think of Samantha as a role model, that’s pretty sick. You like her because she slept with younger guys and made cursing less shocking or something. So you obviously admire foul-mouthed, shallow, and slutty women. Perhaps you’re like that yourself. I hope not. I’m going to hope that that old post was a momentary lapse. Or maybe you were just drunk. Which you seem to be often.

Mr. Reader

My goodness, Mr. Reader! Well, first of all, thank you for reading and if you weren’t TOO off-put by my Ode to Carrie Bradshaw, I hope you will return from time to time.

I felt compelled to respond to this email, not because I feel that I need to defend myself, necessarily…while it is tempting..but perhaps to offer some amount as clarification. Please do keep in mind that this blog and the ideas spewing from my laptop are, in fact MINE, being forced on no one, so there really is no need for name calling is there? However, if you would like to engage in a lively discussion, let’s go!

Round One (DING!)

Let us review what exactly I said about dear, dear Samantha Jones:

Samantha is my religion. She demystified the F-word and put a nice feminine spin on it. 'Fuck' is like brunch' - it's trendy and necessary and very specific. It's bigger than brunch, frankly. It's more important. It's hotter. Its shocking, but not. It's not because Samantha said it. She wins. And when she wins, we win. Look at Smith Jerrod, for god's sake. She clearly WON there. So, we won too. Week after week of looking at that yummy boy was a party favor we did not deserve.

Second, Mr. Reader, let’s review your take on what I said:

  1. You think it’s “sick” that I think of her as a role model
  2. I like her because she slept with younger guys and she swears a lot
  3. Therefore, I am slutty, shallow, and foul-mouthed

A-hem (clearing my throat, trying not to giggle). Let’s address these concerns one at a time, shall we?

1. I have chosen a smart, successful, beautiful, strong, independent, and honest woman as my role model. Good Lord what HAVE I done!? Samantha Jones owns her own business, does not rely on a man or anyone else to take care of her, she is over 40 and is not freaking out because she doesn’t have kids, you don’t see her waiting by the phone for some guy to call, or taking any abuse from cheating men either. She’s not a hypocrite like so many women I know. She puts it all out there. She says “this is who I am and if you don’t like it, then F*ck off!”

Oh! Not to mention that she dealt with BREAST CANCER with grace and dignity. She’s a fighter, she’s a survivor and most importantly she’s there when her friends need her most. While I don’t think I specifically referred to her as a role model…I guess she is. Maybe not for six year olds, but for women in general, abso-frecking-lutely.

Round Two (Ding!)

2. I do not like her because she’s slept with younger guys. I like her for all the above mentioned reasons and because Smith Jared was IS SUCH a cutie! That’s all! We should all be so lucky to find, not only a boy that hot but one who would shave his head for you!

Round Three (Ding!)

3. That I am Foul Mouthed, Slutty and Shallow – wow, Mr. Reader! You could tell all that from the fact that I like Samantha Jones? Hello, Mr. Perception.

As for the foul mouthed: granted, I probably swear more than I should but I’m not a sailor and can certainly rein it in whenever inappropriate.

Slutty: well, I guess it depends on your definition so you’ll have to enlighten me since I can not refute a claim when I don’t know your definition of Slutty. Alas, I will not innumerate my sexual escapades for you, but I will say that they are seldom random, that I have a healthy sex drive for a 26 year old woman, and yes, do enjoy sex. I suppose I am somewhere between virginal and Samantha Jones, I guess. (But then again, most of us are.) If that makes me a slut…so be it. Get me a T-shirt and let’s call it a day.

Finally, Shallow (these are all very subjective terms, Mr. Reader): if you are referring to my comments that “Smith Jarred” was hot, then yes, you are right. Are you ACTUALLY proposing that I am objectifying him??? Because THAT would be funny. “Hello, my name is Red. I love hot men”. Someone PLEASE recommend a 12 step program because apparently I HAVE A PROBLEM.

Round Four (Ding!)

Dear, Dear, Mr. Reader I was most disturbed by the “you seem to be drunk often” comment. First of all, you say it like it’s a BAD thing!? Hehe.

I must admit, many of my posts, especially the ones alluding to nights on the town and the resulting craziness, mention a significant amount of alcohol consumption. For the simple fact that the more interesting things seem to happen when I am, in fact drunk, or out among intoxicated people. Can’t have really anything interesting to blog about if I stay inside watching Law & Order reruns every night now can I? Actually many of my fun-filled-alcoholic nights are broken up over two posts, and most occur on Fridays. I would also like to point out the fact that I did NOT go out with my roommate last Thursday and I went out hard core ONE night over the long weekend.
*Sigh.* Mr. Reader is right again, folks. I enjoy going out and getting little crazy on Fridays.

So I surrender, Mr. Reader. You win. Please pass whatever judgment or punishment you deem appropriate for a strong-woman admiring, verbally expressive, sexually healthy, Absolut buying, draft beer drinking deviant.

Guilty as charged.


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