Tuesday, December 26, 2006

There’s No Place Like…


Where i have a queen sized canopy bed (instead of my beautiful but small day bed which was oh so cool at the age of 16), where I have museums and public transportation, where I have a rite aid on the corner and where I am awakend at 3 am to the blaring of a motorcade or firetruck instead of crickets.

They say that home is where the heart is. In my case, home is where the insane and usually intoxicated family are.

My apologies for the silence although I suppose I get a free holiday pass? Yes? I’m sure the fact that I have been in the rural countryside, surrounded by family members, too much alcohol, the inevitable drama that follows and a DIAL-UP INTERNET CONNECTION provides some explaination.

I honestly don’t know what to say about the holidays except they began, as all family retreats should, with 36 hours of no sleep and a hangover the size of Texas.

However, the day passed in a somewhat hazy but lovely fashion – last minute Christmas shopping with the Dad while the rest of the fam who is not currently in residence within 5 miles of our childhood home (currently totaling two) were being picked up at the airport. Sue Ellen kept a low profile and didn’t even bat an eye when I said ‘I don’t want to go to church this Christtmas Eve’ (thought I was going to get a verbal slapping for that one) but instead she allowed my headonistic request and so instead of celebrating the virgin birth, I played poker with dad, mom and my little brother. A Christmas Eve without singing Silent Night amidst screaming babies, a mediocre choir and while holding the obligatory dime store candles dripping hot wax dripping down my fingers - I was in heaven.

Baby sis is huge. The baby is due in 3 weeks and she looks like she’s about ready to pop. She’s set the wedding date for August (eye roll). Please understand, I’m not NOT happy for her – definitely NOT jealous of her, but I find myself a tad disturbed. Normally I wouldn’t be this judgmental of friends and acquaintences for having an unplanned child out of wedlock and to be perfectly honest, respect them for having the courage to deal with the situation rather than 'avoiding it' which would be my imediate reaction. In that regard, I do respect her decision, but I suppose its because this is my own family – where things are supposed to be ‘normal’ (or at least any abnormal situations are quickly sweapt under the rug) – where baby sis and I would act out our fantasies of marriage and children (in that order) with Barbie and Ken dolls - where we do things in an orderly manner: ‘first comes love, then comes marriage, THEN comes…” (sing it with me now).

Oh I know I’ll love my new baby niece to be sure…I’ll just be happy when the baby is born healthy ‘I do’s’ are said and they begin their "happily ever after" scenario.

As for the rest of the brood: 24 first cousins, 12 aunts and uncles, 4 dogs ‘a barking', 5 nieces and nephews, 2 pregnant sisters – and a partridge in a pear tree. Insanity. Pure insanity.

Additionally I find that sadly enough, I have almost nothing to talk to these people about. Outside of the initial catching up "oh how are you? still in dc? how's the new job? what is it you do again? Seeing anyone special?" We have zero in common and zero to talk about. Not only that but they don't understand me. They don't understand the appeal of living in a big city, the ambition of climbing a corporate ladder, or the trials and tribulations of dating in your mid twenties - because, lucky them, they never got to experience it!

They're chatting about morning sickness, day care and epidurals and what do I have to contribute to this conversation?

'Speaking of children, my cat did the cutest thing yesterday?' ' I had amazing sex last night with a man I hardly knew?' 'My friends and I went to this black tie opening at the Corcoran?' 'Did you know they're raising metro fares!?'

None of these ideas, while favorite topics of conversation my cohorts, would be remotely appropriate or mildly interesting to this audience. And so I do what all middle children learn to do so well - disappear and blend into the scenery.

Thank goodness things are much quieter today, I’m on vacation and plan on taking full advantage of being out in the middle of nowhere, sitting on my couch (the scene of many an virginal sexual exploit whilst my parents were asleep or out of town), in a much lived in farm house, on a dirt road, where my nearest neighbor is my uncle, looking out on cornfields the stretch out until they touch the sky. Not a bad view but I feel it will become old sometime around tomorrow afternoon.

I hope you all had the Merriest of holidays and are looking forward to the New Year. I’ll be solidifying the proverbial resolutions that will inevitably be broken within 48 hours of the rining in of the new year and will of course be sharing them with you (like it or not).

Frankly, I can't wait to get out of here.

No comments: