Thursday, February 12, 2009

Goin' on a Man Hunt

Well, thank you to DC Blogs for drawing extra special attention to my extra special lack ....of attention.
But moving on.
The date with Lawyer Man went well - considering that it was my first "first" date in roughly a year and a half - getting an email the next morning saying,:
Can I just tell you that you're simply amazing and I want to spend more time with you.
What are you doing tonight?
Lawyer Man
A flattering start, no?
Well he's absolutely georgous by any definition. Kinda tall (5'10), dark and handsome - just my type. Definitely a romantic - very touchy feely, very complimentary, very no games. Which is good - in theory, right? Right.
The problem is (because there's always a problem, or complication or...drama...because if there weren't, it wouldn't be my life) is that #1, I'm afraid, not of jumping, of being unwillingly catipulted into another relationship; #2. After THREE YEARS of overlapping relationship after relationship, I would like to Date - actually DATE a bit.
I want to walk down the sidewalk, trying to anticipate whether or not the man next to me will hold my hand. I want to go to a movie and nervously analyze his arm/leg movements and decern whether or not he's trying to get closer to me or touch me. I want to agonize over my outfit and feel extra sexy when I walk out the door, hoping to make him get all hot and bothered over dinner.  I want to have anticipation as  he walks me home as to whether or not he'll kiss me goodnight. I want to WONDER - to hope.
I want someone that I WANT - not a damn fan club!!!
Does that make sense? The thrill of the chase - isn't just for boys ya know. I want to put the effort into all out killer seduction, not just have the man roll over and play dead.
My father would roll his eyes and say, "heaven forbid you date a man who actually LIKES YOU!?!?!"
Now despite popular opinion, I'm NOT a maschochist. But I want adore someone...not just be adored. I want to want someone because of what I see in them - not just because of what they see in me. I want to have the opportunity to feel that 'wanting', that yearning, that lust instead of just reacting to someone else's desire. I want the mirror to reflect both ways.
I'm not saying that I'm not going to see Lawyer Man again (truth be told, date #2 is scheduled for tonight), but I'm definitely not ready to take the first man i find and leave it at that.
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