Hardball

Dear Fuckhead:

So its come to this. It's sad really, but apparently necessary given the fact that you obviously can't respect my repeated requests to leave me the fuck alone! 

You're the one who chose to take yourself out of my life. For once in your underachieving, maturity stunted, drug laced life – own the decision you made and kindly leave me be.

I’ve asked you nicely, I've asked your forcefully to stay out of my life and off my blog. Sadly, you have chosen, in your characteristically narcissistic and selfish manner, to ignore my requests. This begs the question - why?

The only conclusion I can reach is that in your mind, your visits are some twisted sort of compassionate, altruistic attempt to insure that your absence hasn’t yet led to a ritualistic slitting of my wrists. Please do not confuse me with your mentally unstable ex-wife. I am beyond fine and also, unlike your ex-wife, I do not and never will want you back. (Damn it feels good to say that and TRULY mean it).

This is the last time I will ask you – stay out of my life - stay off my blog. My thoughts and my life should no longer be of any interest to you. If you choose to continue to ignore this request, simply put: there will be consequences. I know you're somewhat unfamiliar with that concept, so put down your bong and pay close attention:

If I see you trolling my site again, the next email I send will be to your girlfriend asking her to please tell her boyfriend to stop harassing me. I'm sure she'd love to know with what a regular interest you take in your ex-girlfriend’s life. I know I would. Let's get her opinion on this, shall we?

I will then post her name along with photos and proceed to conduct a worldwide poll of my readers as to whether or not she does, indeed look like a man.  I’m predicting a favorable outcome. 

So, Fuckhead please wave one last goodbye as I hope to never see you here again. And even though the knowledge that you more likely than not, will choose to continue to violate my privacy, I hope whatever feelings you have for the current "love of your life" (ya know, its truly amazing how generic you really are) will make you think twice. 

If you do not, in fact, know me well enough not to doubt my sincerity I have three little words for you: Just try me.

Goodbye,

Fabulous Annoyance

Thank you all for your "welcome back" posts and messages! Too cute! Also a call for more posting - here's the problem, kids:

Right now, while I AM, in fact on a complete upswing and life high (and wearing the most BEAUTIFUL silver and black lace skirt about to set off on a holiday party tour, what I want to do is to bitch and moan and rant and rave (via keypad). But I'm trying to restrain myself! I'm trying to stay composed and to keep smiling and pour myself another glass of champaign in the middle of the afternoon (they're office parties) - and take a deep breath and let it go. Because #1, bitter and resentful is ultimately, unattractive. #2 I am anything BUT un-attractive :) and #3. I'm determined to continue the aforementioned upswing and be happy!

With that in mind, I will say the following, potentially unattractive lines with georgous hair, flawless makeup, a beautiful smile and shoes that could literally kill (or at least cause a signifcant amount of pain if strategically hurled in the right direction):

Fuckhead: If you have something to say to me, feel free to say it (my phone number remains unchanged). Is there something you'd like to know about me? To discuss? Subjects to chat about? If so, I'm all ears!

If not, why don't you take the time you spend reading and checking my blog and thumbing through the archives and instead, recycle it into additional quality time with your oh so "beautiful" girlfriend (I'm all about energy conservation these days)!? You took yourself out of my life a year ago, so please do me (and her) a favor and truly TAKE YOURSELF OUT!? But, now that I think about it, follow through was never your strong suit. Merry Christmas!

Frankly,

Hogmanay

Hogmanay

No – its not some itchy, tropical sexually transmitted disease.

Wikipedia defines “Hogmanay” (pronounced IPA: [?h??m??ne?] as: the Scottish word for the last day of the year and is synonymous with the celebration of the New Year in the “Scottish manner.” It is, however, normally only the start of a celebration which lasts through the night until the morning of New Year’s Day or, in some cases, 2 January.

In other words – it is the term for the longest, drunkest, craziest, most fun New Years Eve party on the planet….AND I’m GOING TO BE THERE!!!!

[Scarlett does a little dance]

Not to mention that I’ll be surrounded by cute men with accents – swoon! Could there be a better way to ring in the New Year??? I think not!

And so I have decided to drag my Celtic heritage laden ass to Scotland. The land of Braveheart, kilts, Scotch, Sean Connery, Mary Queen of Scots, Gerard Butler!

Jersey and I will be leaving DCA the afternoon of December 29, arriving in Edinburgh on December 30^th  (via Detroit, via Amsterdam, not the most direct route, I’ll grant you but…). We'll arrive just in time for the “Night Afore” festival, which is essentially a New Year’s Eve EVE celebration! 

Will, of course post more info soon – just thought I’d share! If anyone else feels like freezing their arses off on the Royal Mile the night of December 31^st, please join the fun!

Frankly, I cannot WAIT!

The Better Things in Life

It’s been a year. Almost to the day. And Thanksgiving 2008 certainly topped the one-way vacation to Hades I survived the previous year. Everything was better, the family, CERTAINLY the food and most DEFINITELY the company.

However, it’s a definite milestone. No longer am evaluating the events of 2008 through the rose-hued Gucci eye wear of 2007. (i.e. last summer I was living with fuckhead  (sigh…sniffle… sniffle…gag…) .

Now the comparison develops more along the line of:

Last year I wasted my holiday season crying bawling my eyes out on a daily hourly basis over an emotionally stunted Neanderthal, in a job that, at that point, I was less than enthusiastic about while sporting an additional 35 pounds.

THIS holiday season began with a fantastic Thanksgiving in which I cooked a significant portion of the meal (a fun new hobby – GASP! I know, very uncharacteristically Scarlett). I have been invited to three black-tie holiday parties, its December 4^th and my Christmas tree is up, my holiday shopping is done AND last night, I attended the lighting of the National Christmas Tree (with kick ass VIP seating).

I like this comparison. I have a feeling the fabulous gap will only continue to widen into the New Year.

It’s good stuff, kids!

Romantic endeavors and drama aside, this is already shaping up to be a fantastic holiday season, and the best I can remember. In honor of this turning point, I've unlocked my "Breakup Files" . I may have inadventently deleted a few....but reading over these very painful entries really helped me to see how much farther I am away from that pain. And it helped a bit. (Deep breath). I truly am at a better place than I've been in just about three years.

And THAT, my friends, is something to celebrate!

Merry Christmas to My Ass?

All I need is a great big bow on my ass....as if it could get any bigger!